The Worst Episodes of The Wire

Ranking the weakest hours of a perfect show, which is like ranking the worst bites of a crab cake.

Entries
10
Category
TV
Updated
  1. An office photocopier with a sheet of paper in the tray, a pile of pink layoff slips and a police budget binder beside it.

    10. More with Less

    The Wire; teleplay by David Simon, directed by Joe Chappelle · 2008

    The final season opens on budget cuts, a strip-club relocation scoop and a crowd of new newsroom faces. It also has detectives convincing a suspect a photocopier is a lie detector, which is the best scene of the season and involves zero reporters. Ranked low on the Sun alone.

  2. A cloud of dust rising where high-rise towers stood, a copy of a parliamentary procedure handbook on a folding chair in the foreground.

    09. Time After Time

    The Wire; teleplay by David Simon, directed by Ed Bianchi · 2004

    The towers come down, Cheese refuses to talk business on phones, and the detail spends an hour debating its own wiretap. Stringer runs a dealer meeting by Robert's Rules of Order, which is very funny. It is also mostly homework for the next eleven episodes.

  3. A funeral flower arrangement shaped like a tall housing-project tower, standing beside a smashed surveillance camera on a curb.

    08. Backwash

    The Wire; teleplay by Rafael Alvarez, directed by Thomas J. Wright · 2003

    Herc and Carver lose an expensive surveillance camera when a dealer tosses it into traffic, then plan to fake informant paperwork to cover it. D'Angelo's funeral gets a floral arrangement shaped like his old tower. The episode is uneven. The flowers are perfect.

  4. A tide chart spread across the console of a small police boat, a pencil and a compass resting on it, cranes in the harbor fog.

    07. Ebb Tide

    The Wire; teleplay by David Simon, directed by Ed Bianchi · 2003

    Viewers came back for the corners and got a dockworkers' union. McNulty, banished to the marine unit, uses tide charts to prove a floating body is the city's problem, which is spite expressed as oceanography. The port grew on everyone. It took a few weeks.

  5. A white duck standing on a wooden bar top beside a shot glass and a draft beer, neon glow behind.

    06. Duck and Cover

    The Wire; teleplay by George Pelecanos, directed by Dan Attias · 2003

    Ziggy Sobotka buys a duck that drinks beer and whiskey at the bar, and the hour becomes partly about the duck. A reviewer gave it a C+ for the antics. It is the first episode without Idris Elba, which means the duck got more screen time than Stringer Bell.

  6. A rusted steel shipping container on a foggy dock with a stack of interoffice memos clipped to its door.

    05. Collateral Damage

    The Wire; teleplay by David Simon, directed by Ed Bianchi · 2003

    A shipping container of dead women, and the episode is mostly about which agency gets stuck with them. That is the point, and it still plays like a jurisdiction memo. Ratings dropped 21% from the premiere. Baltimore County maintains it was the city's case.

  7. A Virginia highway exit at night seen through a car windshield, a red ribbon and a folded hundred-dollar bill on the dashboard.

    04. The Dickensian Aspect

    The Wire; teleplay by Ed Burns, directed by Seith Mann · 2008

    McNulty gives a homeless man named Larry $100 and a stolen ID and drives him to a shelter in Richmond, Virginia, to fake a kidnapping. Nancy Grace appears as herself to cover the story, which is the season's whole thesis in one cameo. Omar sets drug money on fire. Fair.

  8. A half-empty bottle of whiskey on the floor of a vacant rowhouse, chalk dust and a pair of latex gloves beside it.

    03. Unconfirmed Reports

    The Wire; teleplay by William F. Zorzi, directed by Ernest Dickerson · 2008

    A few drinks in, McNulty dresses up an overdose as a strangling, and the whole season tilts on it. Bunk walks out, the correct choice. Across town, Templeton files a sweet Orioles Opening Day story that does not quite check out. Two liars, one Sunday night.

  9. A reporter's notebook with blank pages lying next to a desk phone whose receiver is off the hook.

    02. React Quotes

    The Wire; teleplay by David Mills, directed by Agnieszka Holland · 2008

    Templeton fakes a phone call from a killer who does not exist, and the only man in Baltimore who knows it is the guy who invented him. Also, the number Marlo gives his lawyer turned out to be real and answering in his voice, which fans found in 2012. Best fact in the hour.

  10. A cheap prepaid flip phone ringing on a cluttered newsroom desk beside a cold coffee and a red ribbon.

    01. Took

    The Wire; teleplay by Richard Price, directed by Dominic West · 2008

    Peak fake serial killer. McNulty, Freamon and Sydnor phone Templeton as the killer, who now promises to send pictures. Directed by Dominic West, so McNulty's worst week was framed by McNulty. Munch from Homicide wanders into a bar and Clay Davis walks out of court a free man.

Honorable mentions

  • A basement office with mismatched desks and a single box of chicken nuggets on an orange plastic chair.

    The Detail

    The Wire; teleplay by David Simon, directed by Clark Johnson · 2002

    The slow early one people tell you to push through. The detail is staffed from every unit's rejects, Prez blinds a teenager with his gun, and then D'Angelo explains to two kids why the man who invented the McNugget never got rich. Push through. You will be rewarded.

Dishonorable mentions

  • A miniature wooden dollhouse chair on a cluttered police desk next to a roll of red ribbon and a camera.

    Not for Attribution

    The Wire; teleplay by Chris Collins, directed by Joy Kecken and Scott Kecken · 2008

    The episode where Lester Freamon, the show's patient conscience and builder of tiny dollhouse furniture, hears McNulty's insane plan and decides to make it better. Valchek leaks stats, Butchie dies for Omar. Lester, we expected more from you.

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