Worst Things in Your Junk Drawer

Ten things you keep because throwing them away would require a decision.

Entries
10
Category
Stuff
Updated
  1. A heap of colorful twist ties spilling from a small cup in a drawer, a few escaping across the bottom.

    10. Twist Ties

    Paper ones, plastic ones, the little white ones off the bread. Dozens. You will use one, ever, on a bag of chips, and it will fall off. They breed in the dark.

  2. Six thin striped birthday candles with blackened wicks and crusted frosting on their ends, rolled together in a drawer.

    09. Half-Burned Birthday Candles

    Six used candles, wicks black, dried frosting on the bottoms. Someone decided they had more birthdays in them. Nobody has ever reused one. They wait anyway, for a cake that will come with fresh ones.

  3. A tri-folded paper takeout menu with a translucent grease spot, its text blurred to illegible shapes, lying under a drawer's clutter.

    08. Takeout Menu for a Restaurant That Closed

    Folded in thirds, grease spot on the lo mein. The place is a phone store now. The menu still promises free delivery over fifteen dollars and a complimentary egg roll you will never get.

  4. One brass thumbtack standing point-up in the shadowy back corner of a drawer, catching a glint of light.

    07. A Single Loose Thumbtack

    There is always one, lying point-up in the back corner where your fingers go when they're feeling around for the scissors. It has nothing to hold up. It is there to keep you humble.

  5. A thick, dog-eared appliance manual with a line drawing of a blender on its blank cover, lying in a drawer, a folded card poking out.

    06. The Manual for an Appliance You No Longer Own

    Forty pages, six languages, for a blender that went to the curb two moves ago. The warranty card is still folded inside, unmailed. It is kept on the principle that manuals are important, which is true of some other manual.

  6. A tangle of cheap ballpoint pens on an envelope covered in faint test scribbles, one stubby pencil set apart.

    05. Pens That Work Once

    A fistful of hotel and bank pens. Each writes one squiggle on the back of an envelope, convincing you it's fine, then quits mid-signature. You test them all, put them all back, and grab the one pencil.

  7. A roll of clear tape on a kitchen counter under a bright lamp, a butter knife beside it and a jagged torn strip stuck to the knife.

    04. Tape With No Findable End

    A roll of clear tape whose end has melted back into the roll. You rotate it under the light, scrape with a thumbnail, then start a new end with a knife and tear off a strip shaped like a coastline. The dispenser left years ago.

  8. A knotted, dried-out clump of tan and red rubber bands stuck together in a drawer corner, cracked and shiny.

    03. Rubber Bands That Fused Together

    What was once a handful of rubber bands is now one sticky colony. Pull one and three come with it. Stretch one and it snaps into a brittle little whip across your knuckle. They held the broccoli once. They will not hold anything again.

  9. A single worn brass key lying alone on the bottom of an otherwise empty drawer, a faint dust outline around it.

    02. The Key to Nothing

    Brass, slightly worn, clearly important to someone once. It fits no door, shed, car or bike lock you own. Throwing it away guarantees you'll find the lock it opens the following Tuesday, so it stays forever.

  10. Four loose AA batteries scattered among crumbs in the corner of a wooden drawer, lit by a single flashlight beam.

    01. Dead Batteries Mixed In With the Good Ones

    Four AAs rolling loose, two dead, two fine, no way to tell without a remote and some patience. You will not label them. You will put all four back and reach for them again during a power outage, in the dark, with the same results.

Honorable mentions

  • A pair of sharp orange-handled scissors half-buried under drawer clutter, a shaft of light falling directly on them.

    The Good Scissors

    Somewhere under all of it are the good scissors, the ones that cut cleanly and that everyone in the house has been told to put back. They are the reason anyone opens this drawer. They are always the last thing you find.

Dishonorable mentions

  • A tiny crumpled metal glue tube with its cap fused on by a crusty bead of dried glue, lying on a drawer bottom.

    Super Glue With the Cap Glued On

    A tiny tube of super glue, used once, its cap now permanently bonded to the nozzle. It finally works exactly as advertised. It just chose to fix itself.

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