Things You Only Use Once a Year

Stored at the back of the cabinet for 364 days, needed urgently on the 365th.

Entries
10
Category
Stuff
Updated
  1. An overstuffed accordion folder spilling receipts onto a kitchen table under a desk lamp.

    10. The Tax Folder

    A folder of every receipt, form and statement for the year, opened in a panic in April. It contains everything except the one document you need. You shredded that in the fall, during a burst of organizing.

  2. An electric carving knife with its cord coiled beside a roast turkey on a platter.

    09. The Electric Carving Knife

    Twin serrated blades that buzz back and forth, brought out every Thanksgiving by the same person, who insists it is better. It slightly shreds the turkey. It is also loud enough to end any conversation, which may be the point.

  3. Two tall champagne flutes at the back of a cabinet behind ordinary glasses, a party hat beside them.

    08. Champagne Flutes

    Tall, narrow glasses kept at the very back of the cabinet, taken out at midnight on New Year's Eve and for a wedding toast every few years. Half the set broke in the sink. Nobody can explain where the rest went.

  4. A metal tree stand with three screws sitting on a garage shelf among boxes.

    07. The Christmas Tree Stand

    A metal bowl with three screws that never hold the tree straight. One person assembles it on hands and knees while another stands back and says left. It runs dry in a day, then spends eleven months in the garage.

  5. Small orange carving saws scattered beside a half-carved pumpkin and a pile of seeds on a kitchen table.

    06. The Pumpkin Carving Kit

    Tiny serrated saws that bend if you push and a scoop that barely scoops, bought every October because last year's went missing. A kitchen knife does the actual work. The jack-o'-lantern caves in after a week, and last year's kit turns up in March.

  6. A row of mugs of colored dye on newspaper, dyed eggs drying on a cardboard stand.

    05. The Egg Dye Kit

    Tablets that fizz in vinegar, a wire dipper and a cardboard drying stand, used for one spring afternoon. Every egg ends up the same brownish purple because every egg went in every cup. Your fingertips stay pastel until Wednesday.

  7. A white porcelain gravy boat on a holiday table set with mismatched plates.

    04. The Gravy Boat

    A small porcelain ship that carries gravy from stove to table one day a year. It belongs to a wedding china set whose other pieces are long gone. Gravy pours better from the pot, and the boat is used anyway.

  8. A turkey baster lying across an open oven door, steam rising from inside.

    03. The Turkey Baster

    A giant eyedropper with a rubber bulb, for squirting juices over a bird. It works, technically, but the oven door stays open so long that dinner is an hour late. The other eleven months it lives in the utensil drawer, keeping it from closing.

  9. A huge tangled ball of string lights on a living room floor, a single bulb glowing.

    02. Christmas Lights

    Edward H. Johnson · 1882

    Edison associate Edward H. Johnson hand-wired 80 red, white and blue bulbs onto a tree at his New York home in 1882. Every string since has been put away neatly in January and found as one knot the next December. One dead bulb used to darken the whole set.

  10. A huge dented roasting pan balanced on top of a refrigerator.

    01. The Roasting Pan

    A pan big enough to bathe a cat, used once, in November, for a turkey. It fits in neither the dishwasher nor the sink. It soaks for three days, then goes back on top of the fridge, where it is the first thing to fall on you.

Honorable mentions

  • A white tablecloth on a dining table with a faint red stain under the edge of a serving platter.

    The Good Tablecloth

    An ironed linen tablecloth from the hall closet, used for one holiday dinner a year. It gets a cranberry stain. It is washed, the stain stays, and next year the platter goes over the stain, which is what the platter is for.

Dishonorable mentions

  • A fondue pot and long forks in an open cardboard moving box.

    The Fondue Set

    A pot, a burner and six long color-coded forks, received as a gift and used for one party, where everyone burned their mouths and the cheese seized. It is not used once a year. It was used once. It has moved house with you three times.

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