Release Notes: Songs About the Big Finish

A tasteful playlist about the least tasteful moment in pop, ranked with the lights off.

Entries
8
Category
Music
Updated
  1. A cramped 1977 bedroom with a punk poster, a clothes iron on the dresser and a slammed door.

    08. Orgasm Addict

    Buzzcocks · 1977

    Buzzcocks' debut single: two frantic minutes of punk about a young man and his own enthusiasm. The BBC banned it and Pete Shelley later called it embarrassing, which is the correct emotional arc for the subject matter.

  2. A single lemon on a vintage amplifier, juice dripping down onto a coiled guitar cable.

    07. The Lemon Song

    Led Zeppelin · 1969

    The lemon-squeezing line comes from Robert Johnson's 1937 'Traveling Riverside Blues,' and the blues was never coy about what that juice is. Plant reportedly made it filthier live. Howlin' Wolf got a writing credit after a lawsuit, so even the euphemism was borrowed.

  3. A rumpled bed beside a 1960s country-TV-show banjo and a lone cold cup of coffee on the nightstand.

    06. Not Fair

    Lily Allen · 2009

    A boyfriend who's perfect in every way except the one that happens between the sheets, sung over chipper Nashville banjo. He finishes; she doesn't; the song keeps score. Allen later said it scared men off dating her. A UK No. 5 and a public service.

  4. A tidy suburban bedroom with folded pajamas, a recycling bin and a kitchen timer set to two minutes.

    05. Business Time

    Flight of the Conchords · 2007

    Jemaine narrates the least glamorous foreplay in pop, from socks to recycling to pajamas, then promises the whole thing takes two minutes because he's so intense. A love song for anyone who has ever heard, gently, 'oh. Already?'

  5. A string of pearls draped over a hot-rod steering wheel in a Texas desert sunset.

    04. Pearl Necklace

    ZZ Top · 1981

    On the surface, a woman wants jewelry. Under the surface, she's asking for the slang version, and the narrator notes it won't cost much. A double entendre wearing a three-foot beard, slipped right past 1981 radio.

  6. A 1960s bedroom with a single bucket on the floor catching drips from a ceiling under a moonlit window.

    03. Wet Dream

    Max Romeo · 1968

    Reggae's first great British scandal: the BBC played it twice, banned it, and it still went top 10 in 1969. Romeo's official explanation was that it was about a leaky roof. Sure, Max. Bring a bucket.

  7. A dramatic 1990s synth-pop music-video set with fog, a keytar and a mop and bucket standing by.

    02. Jizz in My Pants

    The Lonely Island · 2008

    Andy Samberg and Jorma Taccone, in Pet Shop Boys-grade synth-pop deadpan, finishing early at absolutely everything, including a grocery checkout. The most precise title on this list. Justin Timberlake cameos as a janitor, which feels thematically correct.

  8. A satin-sheeted bed under a red lamp with an alarm clock frozen at the last second before midnight.

    01. Relax

    Frankie Goes to Hollywood · 1983

    The BBC banned it and it sat at No. 1 anyway, for five weeks. The chorus is a plea to hold off, and Holly Johnson later admitted the 'it's about motivation' line was a cover story; really it was about shagging. Two million UK copies of a song about waiting.

Honorable mentions

  • An object that evokes Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

    Paradise by the Dashboard Light

    Meat Loaf · 1977

    Eight-plus minutes about not getting there, with Yankees broadcaster Phil Rizzuto calling the play-by-play. The anti-'Relax': he wants to, she wants a promise, and baseball keeps score.

Dishonorable mentions

  • An object that evokes Turning Japanese.

    Turning Japanese

    The Vapors · 1980

    Everyone assumed. Dave Fenton said it was about angst and youth and turning into something you didn't expect, and he's thanked whoever started the rumor for the sales.

  • An object that evokes Cum On Feel the Noize.

    Cum On Feel the Noize

    Slade · 1973

    Spelling, not subject. Slade misspelled everything on purpose, and generations of teenagers have been let down ever since.

  • An object that evokes 10cc (the band name).

    10cc (the band name)

    10cc · 1972

    The legend says it's a measure of potency. Jonathan King says he dreamed the name; Graham Gouldman says the band got bored explaining and started telling the other story instead.

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