Not the Voice You Paid For: Sham Bands, Ranked

Acts where the people on stage and the people on the record never met, which in pop is less a scandal than a business plan.

Entries
12
Category
Music
Updated
  1. A brightly painted 1970s tour bus parked in a suburban driveway with instruments stacked untouched on the lawn.

    12. I Think I Love You

    The Partridge Family · 1970

    A TV family with a studio band. Only David Cassidy and Shirley Jones sang on the records; the Wrecking Crew and the Ron Hicklin Singers did the rest, and none of the cast played a note. Three weeks at No. 1. The painted bus was the most authentic member.

  2. A neon-lit beach club at midnight with a lone microphone on the bar and a model's sunglasses beside it.

    11. The Rhythm of the Night

    Corona · 1993

    Olga Souza was the face; Italian singer Jenny B was the voice. A UK No. 2 in 1994 and a US top 20 in 1995, and proof that the Eurodance business model was, at heart, a casting call with a drum machine attached.

  3. A lightning bolt striking a microphone on a stand in an empty concrete warehouse.

    10. The Power

    Snap! · 1990

    Penny Ford sang it; Jackie Harris mimed it in the video. A song about having the power, fronted by someone who'd been handed the microphone and none of the voice. Ford became the group's full-time singer soon after, so at least the sequel was honest.

  4. A stadium scoreboard glowing over an empty field as steam curls up from a kettle on the bench.

    09. Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye

    Steam · 1969

    Gary DeCarlo, Dale Frashuer and producer Paul Leka cut it in a New York studio and named the band Steam after the fact. When it hit, Mercury needed a group, so a Bridgeport band was hired to be Steam and mime on TV. Every stadium since is singing along to nobody.

  5. A vintage TV soundstage with four guitars on stands and a train ticket resting on a stool.

    08. Last Train to Clarksville

    The Monkees · 1966

    They sang, but on the early records session players did most of the playing while Don Kirshner ran the show. The Monkees fought him for control and played their own instruments on 'Headquarters' in 1967. The only fake band here that unionized into a real one.

  6. A glossy record sleeve photo shoot set with a fan and ring light, a crumpled lyric sheet on the floor beside it.

    07. Pump Up the Jam

    Technotronic · 1989

    Ya Kid K wrote the words and rapped them. The cover and the video went to model Felly Kilingi, without Ya Kid K's consent. She got her credit on the US reissue of the album, the music industry's version of an apology note slipped under the door.

  7. A cardboard cutout drum kit and guitar in a hand-drawn garage, a sugar bowl spilling across the floor.

    06. Sugar, Sugar

    The Archies · 1969

    The most honest sham here: the band was a cartoon. Ron Dante and Toni Wine sang, session pros played, Jeff Barry produced, and it became Billboard's No. 1 song of 1969, the only time a fictional band topped a year. Nobody asked to see Jughead's hands.

  8. Platform boots mid-dance on a 1970s disco floor while a mixing desk glows behind a curtain.

    05. Daddy Cool

    Boney M. · 1976

    Bobby Farrell was the dancer. The deep male voice on the records was producer Frank Farian, studio-enhanced, which Farian finally admitted on German TV in 2003. Yes, the same Frank Farian who later built Milli Vanilli. A man found his genre.

  9. A sweaty 1990 gym full of boomboxes and dropped dumbbells, a single microphone cable trailing off-screen.

    04. Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)

    C+C Music Factory · 1990

    The most famous shout of 1990 was Martha Wash's, and the video handed it to Zelma Davis. Wash sued, and the settlement had MTV add a credit giving Wash the vocals and Davis 'visualization,' the finest euphemism the record business ever produced.

  10. A spotlit fashion runway ending at a recording booth whose door is shut, a studio microphone glowing inside.

    03. Ride on Time / Everybody Everybody

    Black Box · 1989

    A two-for-one. 'Ride on Time' built its hook from Loleatta Holloway's 'Love Sensation' and sat at UK No. 1 for six weeks while model Katrin Quinol mimed. Then Martha Wash's session vocals turned up uncredited on 'Everybody Everybody.' She sued; RCA settled.

  11. A 1960s girl-group stage with three empty matching dresses on hangers beside a vintage studio microphone.

    02. He's a Rebel

    The Crystals (sung by Darlene Love and the Blossoms) · 1962

    Phil Spector had Darlene Love and the Blossoms cut it in Los Angeles, put the Crystals' name on the label and didn't ask the Crystals. It hit No. 1 in November 1962. Then the actual Crystals had to learn their own hit to sing it on tour.

  12. A lone microphone stand on a bright stage while a skipping vinyl record spins on a turntable in the wings.

    01. Milli Vanilli

    Frank Farian (producer) · 1988

    The gold standard of fake. Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan never sang a note; Charles Shaw, John Davis and Brad Howell did. A backing track got stuck mid-hook at a 1989 MTV show, and in 1990 they became the first act ever stripped of a Grammy.

Honorable mentions

  • An object that evokes Martha Wash.

    Martha Wash

    Martha Wash · 1990

    Ghosted by two different hit acts in the same year, she sued both and won credit and a record deal. The voice behind half this list finally got her name on the sleeve.

Dishonorable mentions

  • An object that evokes The Real Milli Vanilli.

    The Real Milli Vanilli

    Frank Farian · 1991

    After the scandal, Farian relaunched the act with the actual singers, Brad Howell and John Davis, and named it The Real Milli Vanilli. Branding so on-the-nose it loops back to honest.

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